motivation and drive

I accidentally yelled at Louis the other day because I was getting so ridiculously frustrated with him.
I had been trying to help him stay motivated and even tried helping him look for jobs but whenever I asked him about the hunt he would always be dismissive. Aside from the places I harassed him about until he applied, he really didn't try for anywhere else.

He had told me around thanksgiving that Ebisu was hiring but didn't actually go apply until I basically dragged him over there. The position had already been filled. I basically snapped at him, asking about the job hunt and "oh I didn't realize you applied to other places aside from Shanghai and Ebisu." and he retorted "Why did you have to interrogate me like that?" obviously perturbed.

It ended with me basically becoming infuriated and letting everything flood out at once. I accused him of being severely unmotivated and how everytime I try to help, he tosses my opinions to the side or shrugs and keeps sleeping/playing videogames/dicking around.

To be fair, I do my fair share of dicking around, especially when I'm with him, but every day I try to work towards my goals. Whenever I'm not at his house, I wake up between 8-10am and sleep around 12-2am all while working on setting up the studio or making art. I felt badly because I didn't mean to yell at him and there are obviously times when I'm a big distraction or bad influence but overall I shouldn't be concerned with his life.

The only reason I get frustrated is because I value ambition and motivation so much in a relationship and a person's drive to succeed is a very powerful thing. Motivated people motivate me and I've told Louis that.

It's unfortunate because essentially I want to begin a serious relationship where I am dating someone with ambition and drive and good moral high ground. I think Louis has a lot of potential but I know that what is best for me is someone who can compliment my endeavors. I love Louis to pieces and so I'm hoping very soon he can find his passion and drive for his profession. It has put some tension between us but we know we both love each other. He's trying right now and we probably won't physically see each other as often as we do in order to sort our lives out and get the ball rolling career wise.

Noodle blogs and home??

oh god so weird.

I literally don't live at home anymore.

I go home about once a week to pay bills and get things leftover from home but essentially I live in providence. This particular run was really nice because I got to spend a lot of time doing some fun things.

Anyway

kind of a different experience

Last night I went over Louis's house and we smoked mad kush dawg #420 #yoloswag

#butsrsly #itwasactuallycute #readmore

More updates

So Christmas went really well. I ended up getting Louis a buttload of stuff. The two biggest presents being Lego Lord of the Rings and A Link Between Worlds.

It was a really nice time. New Years was a bit weird, we went over my friends house and everyone was super quiet instead of the crazy kids I know.

The biggest update is that I quit the job that was not worth my time. It was great pay but the amount of harassment that ensued was ridiculous.