DRAMACON CONT.

Sunday

Man pile aftermath

Sunday we woke up at around 9 and all went to the pool and hot tub. Luckily no one was hungover but I felt very sick because I hadn't had anything to eat on Saturday. We stayed at the hot tub for a bit and it was alright. Then we all got dressed, no one in cosplay and returned to the con.

Destroyed room full of booze

Louis wanted to look at couple things again because we hadn't found any but I really wasn't in the mood so I told him I didn't want to think about couple things at that moment. It would've just stressed me out.
He bummed out a lot and at some point we separated in the dealers room and looked at manga. When I found Louis again his attitude had changed notably and it turns out he had run into Emily and Sam again and when asked to speak with them he refused and bolted. He was very angry and later called Verizon and had her number blocked. A move I didn't expect him to go so far as. Apparently, he was a lot more angry about the situation than I had initially thought. I didn't see anyone aside from a girl who had been hospitalized the night before on Sunday, but from Louis's attitude it was probably a good thing. He was really upset and even though I was still very much upset about the drama the night before, I agreed to look for couple things again. I ended up getting cute little phone straps because there really wasn't much else to go on.

After purchasing everything I wanted from the dealers room, we went and hung out in the game room where everyone was playing a game called Munchkin. 

Louis and I were exhausted, so I played Animal Crossing while Louis pulled up a line of chairs and slept on my lap.

Handsome.

He woke up and we went to a really elementary Monster Hunter panel with Chanteun and Louis judged extremely harshly.

The rest of the day was a blur, but eventually we piled everything back into the car and left. On the way back to Jackie's house we went to get Pho and it was pretty great!! We headed back to Jackie's and Louis charged his phone and helped me with Animal Crossing. At some point, Jackie took his 3DS and he and I dug hugs all over Louis's town as a trick because Louis was trying to show him ways of slapping me around in Animal Crossing. 

We returned home and Louis got his extra things and then we had a really long talk.

Essentially Louis and I almost broke it off and I know it's very hard for many people to understand why I would want to call it quits, especially when I care about someone so much.

The reality of the situation was that since we began dating, we hadn't had a moment to ourselves without the drama. I tried to ignore it and not let it stress me out, but since day one, there hadn't been a day where I had been completely content. We never had a honeymoon phase of the relationship aside from our first date where I literally knew nothing and could enjoy his company stress free. But CTcon was supposed to be the End All for anything dramatic. He had promised me, and even his ex had promised me that everything would be normal and fine and I was really foolish to believe it. I knew something was going to happen and I even tried to skip CTcon but it meant a lot to Louis that I go...so I did. 

I am probably very selfish but there's a point in life where you have to do what's best for yourself and what was best in reality was to be on my own without the drama. Had I quit, I wouldn't have drama, and I could focus on moving across the country a lot earlier and saved a lot of time wasted on being upset.

It's selfish probably, and hurting someone to spare your own feelings and find our own success probably seems like a terrible thing. But I wanted Louis, and it wasn't a question of whether or not I loved him. I would have loved to meet him at a different time when his past was in the past and when he was on his own and finished with school. But life didn't work out that way, so I didn't end up breaking it off. I'm trying to think of this relationship as a challenge and a series of lessons to learn from. I really care about my boyfriend and I want to see where this goes, but I really can't say if this sort of thing repeats itself, that I would stay.

Despite everything, things are still weird between us. I'm still very upset at everything that's happened for the past two months and the entirety of our relationship, but hopefully things get better right? Is this is just a really bad impression? I just wish we had met under different circumstances so I could have been completely happy and experienced the butterflies in my stomach and the nervousness of kissing someone etc like I did on our first date, but I can't and I want it so badly.